Filters

A friend (Bluebonnet) recently wrote a blog about filters and their purpose throughout this life. It got me thinking and wondering about myself, where I filter things and when. I recently had a few friendships that turned dramatically in a different direction. Both took me by surprise and left me wondering if it would ever be the same again. With one, I voiced my opinion and everything went down hill. That relationship has since changed and is moving back to the direction it was originally.

The second however, is still a loss to me. I am not sure what happened. I tried to ask, but never received an answer. How much does one filter with one friend vs. the other? How much do you filter on Facebook? Guess that is what I have a blog for. Bluebonnet discusses scripture in her blog entry. Putting the filter first before speaking, "exercising self-control, you will ask yourself before you speak if what you are about to say will be a blessing to those who hear it (Ephesians 4:29), and whether or not this would be something that would bring glory to God, or display His greatness to those who may not yet know Him." Could this be where my direction changed in my two relationships? Did I fail to think first, have self control and wonder about the other person first? With the first relationship, yes, I am certain this is what happened. I was upset and thought the other party needed to know exactly how I felt. I didn't hold back and wanted to stand up for myself. How do you chose? How do you decide whether to speak your opinion and stand up, or remain silent. In the end, the first relationship where I spoke my opinion is on the road to recovery. The other, still at a stand still. Will it ever come back? The Lord only knows. And He was in my thoughts throughout this relationship too. Bluebonnets comment about whether people know Him or not, choosing your words wisely because of them rings true to the second relationship I've discussed. To be friends with someone who does not have a relationship with the Lord can bring forth a challenge. I've never been one to push religion on others. I've probably not been a strong influence on others when it comes to religion. I try to follow the path I have chosen. It all comes back to an episode of Hermie the caterpillar "Stay on the straight path." How do you influence someone who doesn't want to be influenced? I guess I don't feel it is my place.

Other influences can be both positive and negative, all coming from the same person. As relationships change, you either get closer or a distance is created and grows and grows. Since moving here, I have had many different relationships with people in the community. How do you decide what to filter to each person? Those you are just getting to know, you possibly keep more to yourself, stick to a generic story? Keep it at the basics, the simple facts of your life. When do you cross a line and your discussions become confidential? How do you know if that person will keep the discussion confidential? Does the filter determine what you share and with whom based on the other persons opinion? If you know they feel a certain way, do you hold back on those topics due to strong opinions? I learned this lesson in high school and the topic of politics. It was discussed at a family gathering, so many different opinions. I was like a fly on the wall, just watching what was happening in front of me. That experience possibly was key to forming my filter. It gave me the realization of how different and incredibly strong opinions can be, especially among family members. I feel like have been filtering many things since that time. I usually keep my opinions quiet, depending on the people I am with. Granted, my immediate family hears my opinions frequently and there is not much of a filter with them. This past year has given me less of a filter with a friend, but more with others. For her, I am thankful. For so many things in my life, I am thankful. He has guided me on this journey to a place in the community. I am still not sure what that place is yet, but am eager to see where it takes me. I hope to continue to be happy and content here. My weakness is when a crisis or challenge comes, I want to toss my hands up in the air and blame living here. So funny how a topic can turn and always seems to come back to my being content where I am.

There has been more distance created lately. I am not keeping in touch with people as well as I have in the past. What has changed that? How do I explain it? Am I so busy with life and my children, I don't take the time to fit keeping in touch in anymore? School, soccer, teaching, volunteering, etc. It all takes up so much time, trying to keep order. Focusing on the children and my husband take over and all else is put second.

I admit, I have been hasty with bedtime lately. I get so very frustrated and rush them to bed. We haven't been saying our prayers together every night as we once were. This disappoints me greatly. Why do I leave that part out? Why can't I take the extra 10 minutes it takes to pray with my children at bedtime? It sounds so horrible when I write it out, but this is what has been happening lately. I want to come up with excuses, that the change of weather keeps them up late and there is a need for them to get enough sleep to be ready for school the next day. They play so hard and are exhausted at the end of the day, thus becoming uncooperative and I just want them in their beds. Tonight, we will pray together. I am determined to turn this part of our routine around. I have to make it happen alone. N is not always there at bedtime. I put them to bed on my own three nights a week, sometimes more. I will find strength and keep this routine going. Summer will prove a challenge, but I hope to rise above and kick the weakness out the door.