Holy Thursday Struggle

Today started out alright, average. I felt tested as the day went on. Big test with house hunting. More to come when the kids came home. They were so thrilled and happy, excited for spring break. I really wanted us all to attend mass. Our church was having a pot luck before mass. We never get to go together. N is always at work and misses out. Tonight was a great opportunity to attend as a family. I am happy to report we made it. Eight didn't want to go. I feel I've failed him. Tonight, I felt like I failed all each of them. They were all tired, in tears at bedtime. No one wanted to go to bed. 9:30 and it's just now quiet. What a struggle. Overtired. We were up at 5am. Makes for a long day. I can't help but think how much easier it would be to be with my family. I thought I'd put all this behind me. I am trying so hard and it all comes back to being alone. House hunting is at a halt. The falcon house won't work out, nor will the doll house. There isn't anything meeting our criteria out there now. I feel fine about it. The right house will come. It's a big decision, one I want done right. I will continue to plug away at making believers out of my children. Each week I take them to mass, alone. One of these days they will get it. I think Seven has and does, but in his own way. I'm not so sure about Eight. Five doesn't. Baby Girl is all about exploring. I continue to carry my cross. All that I have, all that I offer.